Over the past week I’ve taken some time to reflect over my life as an artist and in my process of creating art. Sometimes I become so infatuated with the vision of my results that I forget to enjoy the process. Sometimes I struggle madly with that process. I am finding I need to let go of my self doubt and just enjoy the ride, wherever that may take me. I’m learning to, or at least focusing on, the ability to eliminate a false pressure I put on myself to complete paintings quickly. Instead, I am taking the time to learn and express my voice through my paintings.
Nevertheless, I know, I often feel compelled to push through paintings. I have never considered myself a fast painter, but a dedicated one. I do know though that once I am finished with a study or still life or painting exercise of some sort, I just want to be done. It is very difficult to revisit something I know needs more time or effort, but sometimes the magic just feels like it has escaped me and I search for something new to paint or explore.
But as the neglected or rejected paintings pile up around me, I just can’t help but to question my sanity. Why am I creating this extra anxiety? I think it all comes down to FEAR. I had a psychologist friend who once told me all fear is: “false energy appearing real.” I sure miss Connie and all her words of wisdom.
I’ve been trying to detect when this so called anxiety starts to creep into psyche, bound to unleash this monster named fear, and it frequently seems to happen when life challenges me the most. And so some days it is a struggle to paint. And some days it all just seems like a silly, crazy mind… spinning around in circles…. looking for the light. And maybe that is why it is called the creative process.
Nevertheless, I know, I often feel compelled to push through paintings. I have never considered myself a fast painter, but a dedicated one. I do know though that once I am finished with a study or still life or painting exercise of some sort, I just want to be done. It is very difficult to revisit something I know needs more time or effort, but sometimes the magic just feels like it has escaped me and I search for something new to paint or explore.
But as the neglected or rejected paintings pile up around me, I just can’t help but to question my sanity. Why am I creating this extra anxiety? I think it all comes down to FEAR. I had a psychologist friend who once told me all fear is: “false energy appearing real.” I sure miss Connie and all her words of wisdom.
I’ve been trying to detect when this so called anxiety starts to creep into psyche, bound to unleash this monster named fear, and it frequently seems to happen when life challenges me the most. And so some days it is a struggle to paint. And some days it all just seems like a silly, crazy mind… spinning around in circles…. looking for the light. And maybe that is why it is called the creative process.
